Here is the thing, relationships struggle with the idea because love isn’t good enough. Yes, I know that sounds mean but it’s true. When someone believes in your dreams, you feel supported. When someone laughs with you after a long, tough day, you feel cared for.
You see, the problem with relationships is that love doesn’t cut it. I know, it sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Values are what keep people together. Values are the things that matter deep down. Honesty. Respect. Family. Independence. Trust. We all have values but not everyone knows what their values are. And if you don’t know what your values are, it’s very easy to be in the wrong relationship.
So how do you discover them? Let’s not complicate this too much.
It All Starts With You
Put the “perfect couple” idea aside for a moment. Don’t let Instagram or movies tell you what your values should be. Ask yourself : what matters to me?
Is it honesty? Is it fun? Is it building a stable future? Maybe it’s all three. Sit with that thought. You can’t build a good relationship without knowing your own foundation first.
Look Back a Little
Your past has clues. Think about your old relationships or even friendships. Did it hurt when someone didn’t make time for you? Then effort might be a big value for you. Did lying break your trust? Then honesty is probably top of the list.
Even the worst relationships teach us something. They show us what we never want again.
Pay Attention To What Feels Good
It can often be the little things. When you have a partner who listens to you, you feel safe. When one encourages your dreams, you feel supported. When someone makes you laugh after a long, hard day, you feel cared for.
Those feelings touch directly to your values: Respect. Support. Joy. Write them down if you need to.
Visualizing Your Ideal Relationship
This isn’t about being dreamy, it’s about clarity. Close your eyes. Picture yourself happy in a relationship. What’s happening?
Are you laughing together? Are you traveling? Are you building a calm, steady life? That vision tells you a lot. If laughter is the first thing you picture, humor might be a key value for you. If it’s teamwork, then partnership and loyalty matter more.
Don’t Overcomplicate It
You don’t need a list of ten perfect words. Three to five values are usually enough. Honesty. Respect. Fun. Growth. Whatever feels true to you. The point isn’t to sound smart. It’s to be real with yourself.
Try Saying It Out Loud
It might feel awkward, but it helps. Tell a friend. Tell your partner. Even just say it to yourself in the mirror. When you speak your values out loud, they start to stick. And it gets easier to notice when someone matches them or doesn’t.
Be Brave Enough To Walk Away
This is where it gets tough. You meet someone amazing and they might look amazing but their values just aren’t in your same lane. They may not value family the way you do. They may not value loyalty the way you do.
It’s tempting to ignore that. But ignoring your values always backfires. Being brave enough to walk away saves you from bigger heartbreak later.
Why This Matters
When you know your values, everything feels clearer. You stop wasting time on people who don’t fit. You stop bending yourself just to keep someone around. You start building relationships that actually feel right.
Love isn’t just chemistry. It’s also about alignment. And alignment comes from knowing your values and living by them.
Final Word
So, how do you figure out your values in a relationship? You look inward. You learn from your past. You pay attention to what feels good.So you follow this.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being true to yourself. Because when you’re true about what you care about, you will not only find love, but you will find love that lasts.
